FJM Friday: Bruce Almighty!

Guess what, folks? It's Bruce Jenkins again today on Fire Joe Morgan Friday. Today's piece is from his August 7th "3 Dot Lounge" blog post. It's a gem! Keep in mind that a lot has happened since Bruce wrote this, such as Jose Guillen actually joining the Giants. But don't worry, it's as stupid and poorly researched as ever. As usual, bold text is his, regular text is my "retort".

Whenever the Giants win, their roster looks just fine for a postseason run. Whenever they lose, panic sets in, and it's time for an additional bat.

Actually, it's reality, not panic, but whatever. What's your week old opinion of Jose Guillen, who the Giants just acquired?

Jose Guillen: Good hitter, probably more consistently productive than Pat Burrell, but not worth the trouble.

Interesting that you would say that Jose Guillen is a more consistently productive hitter than Pat Burrell. You present no evidence to back this up, but I'm sure you at least did a little research to come to this conclusion, right?...oh dear, I'm afraid you did not.

Burrell, Career Numbers: .255/.362/.475/.838 / wOBA: .361 / WAR: 22.4
Guillen, Career Numbers: .270/.322/.441/.762 / wOBA: .329 / WAR: 7.0

One of these players is clearly the more productive one. I'll give you a hint: It's not the guy you thought. This only took about 5 minutes by the way. Couldn't you have spared 5 minutes and done the research, as opposed to just making up the erroneous conclusion that Jose Guillen is more productive than Pat Burrell? Anyway, you wanna talk about Manny Ramirez now, huh? Why? It's not like the Giants have any shot at getting him. But I'm fine with it, because it's another opportunity for you to make an ass of yourself!

Manny Ramirez: He can't stay healthy (3 stints on the disabled list this season)

True, and a valid point

he's avoiding the press

Irrelevant

and he carries a stigma - female fertility drug - that will dog him forever.

Sure, that's kind of embarrassing, but I don't think that anyone thinks about that too much when he's performing like one of the best hitters of all time. And if you simply mean that the PED connection will dog him forever, then you are wrong. Some day, it will be understood by the majority of baseball fans that PED's have a negligible effect on performance, and the great hitters of the "Steroid Era" will get the credit they deserve. I'm serious. If you feel like screaming at me, please just read this website.

Plus, he's nowhere near the hitter the Dodgers rode to glory 2 years ago.

So completely wrong, but at least you're sticking with today's theme: Blanket statements about a player's production that are easily proven wrong with one look at the numbers.

Manny Ramirez, 2008 with LA: .396/.489/.743/1.232
Manny Ramirez, 2010: .317/.409/.516/.925

Okay, so technically you are right. He isn't anywhere near the hitter he was for 2 months in 2008. But for those 2 months in 2008 he had one of the hottest stretches for any player in the past decade. You can't ask a hitter even like Manny to keep that up. His numbers this year, when he's been healthy, are great. They are potentially MVP numbers. I would LOVE to have that in my lineup. Now Bruce is gonna talk about Pablo Sandoval.

Never doubt someone who hit .330 on pure, natural instinct and can throw as hard with his left arm as his right. It says here he bounces back with a big September...

Sorry, where does it say that? Here? What the fuck are you talking about? Also, I don't think Sandoval being able to throw hard with both arms has ANYTHING to do with what we are talking about. But I agree, you can't give up on Sandoval. He was way too good last year. Finally, Bruce's thoughts on the division leading Padres, who the Giants are facing tonight.

Miguel Tejada is flat-out raking for the Padres, but defensively, they can't afford to play him (at shortstop).

No. NO. NO! Miguel Tejada's numbers with SD are bad enough right now, but I'll be fair and only give his Padres numbers as of when this was published, the 7th of August.

.243/.282/.351/.633

Flat-out raking indeed! Move over Buster Posey, Miggy's gonna be the NL Player of the Month for August!

You said Miguel Tejada is "flat out raking". He's OPS'ing .633. That's sad, Bruce. Really sad. It makes you look EXTREMELY unintelligent.

Hilarious: The San Diego Padres hang a Yoda doll in their dugout for good luck. On ESPN, Jim Rome countered that Yoda was a "coward and a "quitter" in "Star Wars," and the Pads had better wise up.

Hilarious? I don't think Jim Rome's "Yoda" comments about the Padres are quite at the level of Inspector Clouseau and "ze parallel bars" scene. But that's just my sense of humor, which must always have a little pain involved. That's why I like doing this to you every week, even though nobody else really cares.